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#41 litewolf

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Posted 13 May 2009 - 07:47 PM

To me, it's thumbs up :D I prefer this new version wayyy more
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#42 chocochell

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Posted 14 May 2009 - 02:30 AM

@ litewolf :

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And for those who can offer me insight on how to rewrite a certain scene in Chapter 9 where I was having a niggling feeling about said certain scene and character, here is what I thought of when I was writing it.

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I think I'm going to stick to light romantic humor in the next few chapters before going back to drama and agonizing myself over which character under what circumstances will initiate what action =.=" On the flip side, it's been kind of fun to write drama - what else will let me incorporate cheesy scenes to such effect? Lol.

#43 moonlight...

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Posted 14 May 2009 - 03:57 AM

chapter 8 and 9 was great!!! i preferred it to the first draft because there's more of kazuya and lucia in this version haha. at the start chocochelle u said that its going to be a series of 12-13 chapters but it seems like there's still alot more stuff to write about...are u extending it???
A smile is worth a thousand words =D
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#44 chocochell

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Posted 14 May 2009 - 08:11 AM

Yes, I'll be extending the story, because most things I thought could fit in 1 chapter turn out in 2 instead. Actually, I probably have just written about 4.5 chapters if its that way lol.

Nevertheless, at the rate I'm going for this story, it'll probably end about chapter 20. Hopefully, because I'm in between 1/3 - 1/2 into this story in question of story flow.

Haha, most Kazuya fans will probably like Chapter 9. My guy friends said it was corny, and I was like - you're not my target market! xD

#45 litewolf

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Posted 14 May 2009 - 09:03 AM

@Kimi thing
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@Typos :3 (I see less than yesterday did you fix things?)
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On the 'friendlier netizens'
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#46 chocochell

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Posted 14 May 2009 - 09:50 AM

I admire your diligence, litewolf ^^ I also added a line in Chapter 9 where

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And yes, I reread my stories and found some typos on my own. Got to do my own work sometime LOL.

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Up next is the Christmas party thing where Lucia meets the Who's Who of the entertainment world. I'm wondering if I should include mistletoe scenes. Pray do tell. xD

#47 Hazuki

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Posted 14 May 2009 - 02:49 PM

Well, I managed to read both yesterday. ^^;
I feel bad for both exes...
And I was kind of expecting Kazuya to do what he did in Chapter 9.

I wonder what they'll do now for New Years~ XD

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#48 chocochell

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Posted 15 May 2009 - 07:40 AM

Chapter 10 is up. It's the pre-party planning for said party, and I included some stuff about Lucia's past in this one.

I suppose you can say its a transitional chapter again - my favorite type, I have now found out. xD

And you know, I never really thought about New Year. Hmm.

#49 litewolf

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Posted 15 May 2009 - 03:49 PM

Poor Lucia, no end to fashion torture 8D

And typos question (?) time
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#50 chocochell

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Posted 15 May 2009 - 04:29 PM

*knocks head against wall*

Typos

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Haha, that's because Jed's a bit obsessive about fashion, and Lucia's his poor victim lol since I figured that's his way of showing how much he likes someone - by giving them fashion tips (and forcing it on them).

I myself wouldn't mind a friend like Jed if he gives me all that fashion stuff for free xDDD

#51 Hazuki

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Posted 16 May 2009 - 03:32 AM

Read chapter 10
the way Lucia woke everyone up cracked me up
Dad also made me laugh too...especially what he was trying with the childhood friend LOL

I'm selling stuff so if you're interested please take a look!

If you want to find more random blabbings of otome games you can look at my livejournal if you want~
I moved...it's called Peaceful Grace.
I've started a new blog at wordpress it's called Reaching Towards You since my LJ is full of my tweets.
If you want to look at pictures you can look at my tumblr nothing special...

The Icon Avatar is from Neskaya.net


#52 will

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Posted 16 May 2009 - 05:38 AM

chocochell

that is a cut story.
it remainded me of one of my uncompleat stories ( i'm a closet writer) that i started 3 years ago.
my stry is also about arock group but my lead female is a 15 year old high school girl who lost all her familly acepet of her coisen ,the grandson of her grandunt who is 21 years old ( but she doesn't know it at the beginning ). so obviouslly she is still very sweet and naive but the lead male are dark, nasty, crule, crude, crazy and out of thier mind ( a 180 degrease switch compared to her ) . and tey have a lot of mentally, personally and personallity esues combiend with really dark history ( i don't know why but all my stories seems to be this way).

i also write other stories for exampel:
ther's a vampire story that is not identicall to evrything u red befor.
ther's a historiecall drama that take place in eachent greece.
ther's a crime drama about an identity mistake that lade a teenage girl into the world of crime.

basically thoes are my strongest and most powefull stories ( they still not finished and i still have along wat to go ).
i would love to shear them with you if you please tell me how ( is i'm a computer thick-headed ).

#53 chocochell

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Posted 16 May 2009 - 01:47 PM

Oh my Lord I don't think I've written as much as I have today. I dashed through the chapter just to get to the ending lol - and so here I proudly present chapter 11 at an astonishing 8000 ++ words. Probably more typos than usual.

Yoroshiku onegaishimas for my favorite mod. xD
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For Kazuya x Lucia fans, here's something for you.

@ Hazuki :
Spoiler


@ will :
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For people who are wondering how the Christian Lacroix stilettos mentioned in Chapter 11 look like . . .

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#54 litewolf

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Posted 16 May 2009 - 04:46 PM

Buahahhahaha loved this chapter XDDDDD Kazuya, you're first in my ranking and will most probably never fall down from that spot <333

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#55 Hazuki

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Posted 16 May 2009 - 06:41 PM

....
I don't care who Lucia ends up with...but it seems like it's heading that way. LOL
I didn't think he get so protective...
I wanted to see a bit more of Kouhei...
If she needed to scream...I think it would have been better in private...and if I were her I would give him the silent treatment tomorrow XD

Well, I wonder what Kyo is like ^^;

I'm selling stuff so if you're interested please take a look!

If you want to find more random blabbings of otome games you can look at my livejournal if you want~
I moved...it's called Peaceful Grace.
I've started a new blog at wordpress it's called Reaching Towards You since my LJ is full of my tweets.
If you want to look at pictures you can look at my tumblr nothing special...

The Icon Avatar is from Neskaya.net


#56 will

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Posted 16 May 2009 - 07:43 PM

chocochell
not taken. YES english is not my first language ( i'm still lerning ).
the last chapter was so funny i just love the way u write.

now about my stories.
i don't want to publish them to the world sher them with u guys is mor then enough.
my question was if u guys like the kind of stories i write.
when the lead are at the bottom or were at the bottom and how it take everything they have in them to make their futur better.

oh...... and if u do please help me to post them here ( as i said i don't know a half of a thing about computers )

thanx

#57 moonlight...

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Posted 17 May 2009 - 03:24 AM

i totally love chapter 11!!!!!! hurray for kazuya and lucia!!! but i'm guessing kazuya will have to endure some scolding from lucia in the next chapter, whether or not he actually remembers what he did hahaha...
A smile is worth a thousand words =D
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#58 kandyse

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Posted 18 May 2009 - 10:34 AM

awww that was so sweet of kazuya XD haha i like how chapter11 ended as well with everyone having this O_O look xD
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#59 chocochell

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Posted 20 May 2009 - 04:27 PM

Thank you, thank you. I took a three day break after expounding all that energy into the chapters last week, and am now back in business.

@ litewolf:
Ah, but I haven't come up with my trump cards for the other guy(s) yet ^^ You might still change your mind.

@Hazuki:
Hmm, well, in this chapter there's a line by Kazuya that would explain why he was so protective of her.

And. . . you seem to like the guys that are kind of out of the spotlight loll~ Kouhei is one thing, but Kyo is a bit of a very side character haha.

@will:
Well, we wouldn't know if we would like your story if you don't post it up first ^^ All you have to do is copy paste the words from Word (like I do) into the thread and that's it.

Although I do suggest something like Spellcheck if your first language isn't English (mine isn't, actually, I use Spellcheck to see my mistakes), because it's a bit hard to read a story if the words seem to have another meaning because of the wrong spelling.

@moonlight. . . and kandyse: Thanks. Both of you seem to be Kazuya fans as much as litewolf is lol.

Here's chapter 12, and it's a chapter where you may do either of the below:

a)think that Lucia is overreacting,
b) think that Kazuya is overreacting, and
c) think that Masataro is a dark horse.

Let me know which of you fit which bill haha.

#60 litewolf

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Posted 21 May 2009 - 06:53 AM

Awwww...wait, I go awww over a different guuys each chapter XDDD

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